The World According to Me

Ok.  This is clearly a first for me and this blog.  I’m actually going to take something back that I said about a politician.

A couple of entries ago I indicated that we should be a bit wary of Sarah Palin, feeling that despite her demonstrated lack of intelligence she does display the cunning and smarts to maneuver her way into political stardom.  Well, after seeing what has come to be known as Turkey-gate (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGxzfb1vm1k) I take it all back.  One look at the video (and you have to catch Keith O.’s reaction on last night’s Countdown - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/#27897845) and you’ll see why I have come to the following conclusion.

This woman is the DUMBEST human being on the planet.  She has absolutely no clue about anything that doesn’t fall within her realm of limited expertise.  She is oblivious to anything and everything surrounding her field of vision.  She is ignorant to anything falling outside of her own dogmatic idiological viewpoint.  Furthermore, she is PROUD of it.  Scariest yet is that there are Republicans who believe she is the new rising star of their party, and that 40% of voting Americans voted for putting her one heartbeat away from the Presidency.  There are actually people out there who say that they were “inspired” by her, and their children were inspired by her as well.  These are the same type of people who voted “yes” for Proposition 8 (aka Prop-Hate), indicating that they’re more afraid of their kids turning out to be Gay than they are of their kids growing up to be dumber than onion dip.  This, friends and neighbors, is what results from 8 years of administrative and political incompetence at the highest levels of authority in this country.  The absolute and complete dumbing down of American intelligence to the point where incidents like this are celebrated as “Real-America”.  If there is one thing that I intend to give thanks for this Thanksgiving holiday is that she will spend at least the next 4 years hundreds of miles away from the White House, and the only harm she can inflict will be to innocent turkeys who haven’t been pardoned.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Since the election we’ve observed a Republican party in shables.  The GOP is now desparately trying to find it’s voice, direction, focus, whatever.  The factions are being formed and the battle lines between the extremist vs. the moderates are being drawn.  If an intra-party battle does take shape, then chances are we’ll see a two-term Obama administration (unless, of course, he screws up royally).

The problem the GOP has is not too much unlike that of alcoholic or drug addicts.  Indeed, one could argue that it is the problem of addiction that they are suffering from.  Addiction to power, and now they’re going to fight among themselves to see who ultimately wields it.  Now, I’ve always believed that our country benefits most from a strong multi-party system, and a much as I would love to see the ground open up and swallow the GOP whole, it wouldn’t really do us much good to have total Democratic rule anymore than it did when the GOP ran things.  So as a Democrat, I believe it’s time for an intervention for the GOP.  To that end, allow me to produce my own 13 Step Program for the GOP.

1. Admit that you have a problem.  There are many within the party that remain blissfully ignorant that they have issues, and are willing to go down the same self-destructive path that got them to this point.  Unless they recognize this, and change direction, they’ll soon be little more than an afterthough in the political arena.
2. Take responsibility for your issues.  You, not the “liberal media”, are responsible for where you are now.  This includes your current president, G.W. Bush.  You can distance yourself from him all you want, but he’s your boy and America will continue to place all of you in the same boat.  You’ll always be tied to him, so deal with it.
3. Apologize to America for the past 8 years.  I’m not talking just a 20 minute press conference.  I’m talking about a 1 hour Obamaesque infomercial showing all of the people who’ve been hurt by your policies, your platform, your ideology, and your religious dogma.  You owe us that much.
4. Jettison your baggage.  This includes the following groups: evangelicals, the NRA, biggots, and other extremist.  They are bringing you down and will keep you there until you denounce them and their rantings.  They are the face the rest of the country sees when they see your party.  Get rid of them now!
5. Call off the culture war.  Face it, you are losing it and losing badly (despite Prop 8).  People are sick and tired of your prostelitizing about issues that mean very little to the public at large.  Not just abortion and same-sex marriage, but the stupid insipid arguement that you raise every year this time: Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays.  Is your need to control everything and everyone around you that you have to pick this fight?  It’s pathetic and needs to end.
6. NEWS FLASH! This just in: RONALD REGAN IS DEAD!  Further, his wife looks about 5 braincells from dementia.  Face it.  Most of today’s voters weren’t even born when Regan was alive, and those that are will likely vote for you anyway out of pure habit.  Find another hero.
7. Remember that we are ALL AMERICANS.  Just because we don’t buy into your policies doesn’t make us any less patriotic.  It amazes me how people just don’t realize that their “agree with us or else” philosophy is on the same order of the Taliban.  It was Samuel Johnson who said that “Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.”  Stop using patriotisim as a strait-jacket to bind dissent.  Diversity in your ideas will only strenghten your party, not weaken it.
8. READ SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE BIBLE!  This is mostly for Sarah Palin, Joe the Plumber, and those who support them.  How about establishing policy positions and opinions that don’t come from the Old Testament.
9. Embrace intelligence, not ignorance.  Between Joe the Plumber, Sarah Palin, and your whole attitude against intelectualism it would seem that you value idiocy and mediocrity more than intelligence.  Perhaps you believe that the dumber America is, the longer you can stay in power.  Well, you can see where that has gotten you.
10. Exile the following people from your party: Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Laura Ingals, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Pat Robertson, Pat Buchannon, Michelle Bachmann, Nancy Pfotenhauer, and all others too numerous to mention who would seek to divide America into “Pro vs. Anti”, “Real vs. Fake”, “us vs. them” America.  To have people like this apply their own theory of eugenics to determine which are the true Americans (that being the Americans who are their fan base), and then cater strictly to that base is beyond ridiculous. 
11. Expand your base beyond 60 year old White guys.  Face it, in less than a decade Whites will be in the minority.  Most of the voters in 2012 and 2016 will be African-American, Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, and other non-White races.  Further, most of them will be under 60 years old.  If you want us to vote for you, give us a reason beyond your 1950’s nostalgia.
12. Stop terrorizing us into voting for you.  9/11 happened 7 years ago.  And while none of us will ever forget that day, constantly reminding us isn’t going to make us vote for you.  Neither will telling us how dangerous the world is, how everyone wants to attack us (gee, I wonder why), and how voting for the other guy will invite terrorist to attack.  We did that dance already and it’s time for a new tune.
13. Give us a reason to vote for you, not against the other guy.  Throughout campaign ‘08 you gave us a littany of reasons why we shouldn’t vote for Obama.  The problem is that you didn’t do a very good job of telling us why we should vote for you.  Your party had no ideas of your own, and made some desparate and stupid moves (Sarah Palin, suspension-not-suspension) that did little more than express how little credit you give the average American for intelligence.  We’re smart people.  If you give us a good enough reason, something we can check out for ourselves, then chances are we’ll vote for you.  Stop insulting us.

Follow these steps and you will be well on your way to earning back our respect.  I’ll leave you with this prayer of serenity:

God grant me the serenity to accept that our country is changing, the courage to change with the country, and the wisdom to know that not everyone thinks like us.

Keith Olbermann’s Commentary on Proposition 8:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27650743/

I’ve always felt that real change, significant change, really big change begins with small actions.  Whether it’s changing a mindset or shouting down a hateful voice, that action multiplied can lead to a wave that is unstoppable by any know means.  In attending a Join the Impact rally in Philadelphia against the recently passed California initiative Proposition 8 (aka Proposition Hate) which takes away previously ganted same-sex marriage rights to gay and lesbian couples there, I witnessed one small action which can lead to a much larger change.

As I mentioned, I was at the Philadelphia rally, mainly to snap a few pictures and for some observation.  As usually happens when more than 3 gay people assemble at a given place, a few backwards thinking evangelists made their way into the mix, three to be exact.  And as is their nature when confronted with that which does not conform to their world view, they began shouting and preaching their usual hate speech to the crowd.  That homosexuality is an abomonation, it’s a sin, God hates fags, AIDS is Gods punishment to the homosexual, etc.  As I’ve been to many Gay/Lesbian rallies and gatherings where these people inevitably show up, I’ve noted that the usual response is to simply ignore them.  However, today seemed to be different, as the level of anger and urgency in the crowd was taken up a notch.  As if some level of defensive telepathy worked its way through the crowd, it made its way towards where the evangelists were preaching.  First a few individuals, then groups, and eventually the entire crowd which I would estimate to be about several hundred at the time (official estimates put the crowd at a peak of 6,000).  It became clear to the three that they were hopelessly outnumbered, and after a period of shouting back and forth, the three with a tiny megaphone against hundreds, the three evangelists eventually gave up and were escorted away from the crowd.  The whole incident was relatively peaceful, but it underscored just what kind of fight we’re in for.  These three represent a mountain of hatred and bigotry that disguises itself Christianity and religion.  However, the thing about mountains is that eventually they erode.  They wear down through nature and time and other forces.  Mountains can be moved, one grain (or three) at a time.

Silly Sarah, Sinner Sarah, Sarah the Baracuda, Carribu Barbie, Dizzy Diva, Tina Fey.  Whatever name you want to call her, if the press coverage that Sarah Palin has received this week is any indication, the Wicked Witch of Wasilla (another good one) isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.  While we all have lampooned her lack of intellectual curiosity, lord knows she’s provided us plenty of material to work with, I have to say that I am honestly afraid of this woman.

Lack of intelligence not withstanding, if there is anything I’ve observed from watching this woman it’s that she is rather shrewd, and cunning, and calculating, and she has the uncanny ability to inspire others to her cause.  Sound familiar?  Well, we just elected a new President who is shrewd, and cunning, and calculating, and has the uncanny ability to inspire others to his cause.  Not that I have any regrets about Barack Obama, but here’s my point.  Both Obama and Palin have the practical qualities it takes to operate at an executive level in politics.  And if there’s one thing that we’ve learned in the last 8 years it’s that it doesn’t really take a lot of intelligence to be the President of the United States, as long as you surround yourself with intelligent people.  Barack Obama has done that (not that he lacks intelligence), and Sarah Palin has the resources to do that.  Hence her appearance at this weeks GOP Governors convention in Miami.  This is a woman who has her sights on bigger things for herself (forget Alaska), and a wise observer would underestimate her at their peril.  Let’s face it, Sarah Palin is now a permanent part of our political lexicon.

Scared yet?

It has been more than a week since the historic election that made Barack Obama the first African-American President of the United States.  While those of us who have supported him (some from the very beginning) are still basking in the enormity of the event, McCain supporters have yet to cease the vitriol of their angry rhetoric.  Like sore losers, they’ve invade just about every blog, message board, and newsgroup with their often paranoid rantings, as if their fear-induced mindless prattling will somehow change what is.  To those of you still hoping against hope for time to somehow warp itself and declare your candidate the winner, here’s my advice.  GET THE FUCK OVER IT!

For the past 8 years you have held free-thinking Americans hostage with your fear-induced patriotism.  You have not only supported and cheered the most inept, incompetent administration in American history, you forced us to cheer for it as well.  Now that the rest of America has a President-Elect that we can believe in, you somehow expect us to be graciously silent.  I’ll grant that, as I believe in being a gracious winner.  However, let me remind you of the following.

• It was you who decreed that no one was allowed to criticize President Bush as he led us over the abyss into the Iraq war.
• It was you who deemed anyone who didn’t support the war un-American, even accusing us of being terrorists.
• It was you who openly ostracized anyone who didn’t support your right-wing point of view (Michael Moore, Dixie Chicks, Bill Maher, etc.).
• It was you who forced your fear-induced patriotism down our throats by way of the media (the same media you now blame for your candidate’s downfall) and right-wing talking heads like Limbaugh, O’Riley, Hannity, and their ilk.
• It was you who pronounced in your finite wisdom that anyone who didn’t agree with the administrations policies is un-American and should “leave the country”.

In addition, throughout this campaign you had people like Sarah Palin and Nicole Wallace who would carve this country into “Real-America” and “Fake-America”, “Pro-America” and “Anti-America”.  You had people like Joe McCain to call the more Democratic northern part of Virginia “communist county”.  You had Michelle Bachman to propose that members of congress be investigated for “Anti-American” views, and the character “Joe the Plumber” practically proclaim for you that “socialist” is the new “nigger.” 

For 8 long years you’ve associated intelligence with elitism while celebrating mediocrity and the general dumbing down of the country.  Furthermore, you’ve replace logical, rational thought with religious dogma and ideology, and brought this country closer to being a theocracy than it’s been at any point in its history.  So you’ll forgive us “elitists” for crowing a bit loudly for your liking.  Perhaps, now you know how it feels to have been in the minority, to have your opinions belittled, and your beliefs ridiculed.  Fortunately, I do not believe that we’ll be nearly as severe in our vitriol toward you as you have been toward us.  In fact, we invite you to join us.  We don’t ask that you agree with every policy that Barack Obama proposes (or any of them), but we do ask, even plead, that you let go of your anger, your hatred, and more importantly your fear.  If there’s anything to be learned from this election, and the past 8 years, it’s that this country is only as strong as the bond that exists between all of its people.  Black, white, gay, straight, liberal, conservative, we all live here, and we all have to live here together.  Carving the country up into ideological factions only serves to weaken us.  Let’s use this new era as an opportunity to end the cultural civil war, and move forward as one nation, “Indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for All”.

Just when we were all lamenting that we won’t have anything to talk about, at least until January 20th, that comedy gift that just keeps on giving, Sarah Palin, holds a news conference back in her home state of Alaska where she blames the media for…well…EVERYTHING.

Clearly there is a level of denial here, as somehow in the McCain (and by extension, the GOP) implosion she feels that she is totally blameless.  Granted, she was selected out of the blue with virtually no vetting.  She wasn’t given much by way of prep time for campaigning, let alone being a VP.  So for her being on the ticket, it really isn’t her fault.  However, there is much culpability here, and as always she turns to her favorite scapegoat; the Media.

It’s the media’s fault that…

• She didn’t even know what a Vice President does.
• She didn’t know what the Bush Doctrine was.
• She couldn’t name which newspapers she read.
• She couldn’t name a Supreme Court decision with which she disagreed other than Roe v. Wade.
• She actually thought that the Vice Presidend has power over the senate (re: the first bullet point).

Furthermore, she blames the media for the $150k (or more) that the RNC plunked down for her wardrobe (and her kids’, and the “first dude”), even though it was supposed to be $20k, or that the lawyers for the RNC are coming to inventory the wardrobe and reposess it.  She also blames them for McCain staffers leaking that she didn’t know Africa was a continent, or the three countries that make up NAFTA (Hint: she can see two of them from her house), or that she was a diva, a wack-job, had gone rogue, or one of the “Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast.”

That these were “unnamed sources” kinda becomes beside the point here.  The fact of the matter is that Sarah has become the target in the circular firing squad that has become the GOP.  Worse yet, she has become a symbol of what can happen when you introduce a wild card variable in what may be an otherwise disciplined campaign.  What is most astonishing, or perhaps disturbing, is that there are some in the GOP who see her as the future of the party.  That would probably be the part of the party that serves “pro-America”.  What she doesn’t seem to realize is that she is the one who is digging this hole for herself with her accusations and paranoia.  As long as she keeps talking to the “gotcha” media, playing the helpless victim to her own runaway ambition, the “stinkers” will always be there.  And we the political junkies will continue to watch the situation comedy that is “The Sarah Palin Show”.

The following cautionary tale is a work of fiction.  It is my own satiracle look at what happens to a person when they get caught up in the spotlight of their own fame, only to find the world a cold and forbidding place when the lights are off.

This is a sad tale, a lonely tale, a tale of fame and fortune, lies and deceit, betrayal and dispair and loneliness.  It chronicles the sad, sad plight of Samuel J. Wurzelbacher.  Aka, Joe the Plumber, or “The” to his friends.

This story begins innocently enough at a campaign rally for Barack Obama, where our hero politely makes his way to the front of the rope line (after knocking down an old lady and several small children) to ask a question about Obama’s tax plan.  Claiming himself as a plumber (he isn’t), he told Obama that he was planning on buying his plumbing business (he wasn’t), and implied that it pulls in $250k (it doesn’t) which is the threshold at which he would be subject to a 3% tax increase.  From Obama’s sincere explanation to Mr. Plumber, the ever watchful spin-meisters at John McCain’s presidential campaign were able to take three words and turn them into a mantra, and JTP into an instant “American hero”: Spread The Wealth.

Joe was a success.  His name was mentioned over 20 times in the final Obama vs. McCain debate.  Suddenly Joe was on the McCain campaign circuit, answering questions about taxes, plumbing, and foreign policy.  He was the American working man’s hero.  He was John McCain’s hero.  He was certainly a hero to the fair Sarah Palin (wink, wink).  But alas, the evil diabolical media would seek to destroy our American hero.  Rummaging through his trash, camping out on his lawn, kicking his dog.  They would expose the chinks in the plumbers armor.  They would find that Joe really wasn’t a licensed plumber, wasn’t planning to buy his plumbing business, and that the business doesn’t pull in $250k (more like $100k).  Worse, he owed about $1000 in back taxes, and there’s a lien on his home.  But none of this was of much concern to Mr. Wurzelbacher.  While his family was left to their own devices to fend off the media vultures, he was basking in the spotlight.  Hiring a publicist for a record deal, and a lawyer to publish a book for him.

But Joe would learn the hard way that fame is a fickle and fleeting mistress.  Soon after the McCain campaign would go down in ignominious defeat, Joe’s star quickly faded.  The scandal at home about his personal life, along with a nasty rumor about a tryst with Cindy McCain, our fair Sarah Palin, and even “first dude” Todd, would be the ruination of our “American hero”.  His record deal would never materialize, and the lawyer wanted too much money.  Upon arriving home in disgrace, he would find that his family had left him, his wife running off with his plumbing business “partner” (who is also not a plumber) to a villa in Cancun. 

With no money, no job, and no one to turn to, Joe decided to pack up what’s left of his fortunes and move to Hollywood to break into movies.  He found himself an agent who offered him room and board, and promised to represent him if Joe promised to “snake our his drain”.  Their occasional rolls in the hay would lead to romance, but alas Proposition 8 would destroy any dreams of happiness.  On top of everything else, Joe would soon discover that his “agent” was about as much an agent as Joe was a plumber.  After a disasterous stint on Dancing With The Stars (he was the first booted off), and celebrity appearances on Jeopardy, Deal or No Deal, and Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader (he wasn’t), Joe had hit rock bottom.  Leaving his “agent”, he finds himself a fleabag apartment in the seedy side of LA.  In his final indiginity, he was forced to break into Gay Porno.  His first film is coming soon to an all-male adult bookstore near you.

COMING SOON TO DVD, JOE THE PLUMBER in LAYING PIPE!

A friend of mine by the name of Glenn Reitz, may he rest in peace, once said of a particularly cherishable evening that “tonight is a good day to die.”  Fortunately he didn’t die that evening, and would live another three years before finally succumbing to complications from AIDS.  However, I totally understand the sentiment.  There are rare evenings in anyone’s life that one could call a fitting ending to their story.  A place where one would feel that they have seen what they needed to see in life, done what needed to be done, and felt at that moment that they could die peacefully knowing that the joy of that moment will never be achieved again.  For me, that was last night when Barack Obama was pronounced the first African-American President-Elect of the United States of America.

As last night’s election returns began to paint the clear picture of his ascention to POTUS, I began to realize that I was witnessing one of those “where were you when this happened” moments.  Moments that you tell your grandchildren, great grandchildren, and anyone else in the Shady Pines home that will listen (so long as their hearing aids don’t give out).  Still, it took some time before I could come to grips with what was happening.  See, I was watching the returns mostly on MSNBC, while surfing CNN, FOX, ABC, and CBS (since NBC is the parent net of MSNBC, it just seemed redundant to go to them).  While I like MSNBC, I just wasn’t willing to trust in their somewhat leftist tilt on reporting the results.  So you’ll understand why it wasn’t until FOX News (a.k.a. the Fake Noise Crapper) projected Obama as the winner that it finally sunk in and I allowed myself to finally believe that this was going to happen.  After a couple of frantic calls to my mother and my brother, I decided to take a walk and see reaction from the rest of the city of Philadelphia.

South Broad street is about a block and a half from my apartment, and I figured if there was anyplace to get reaction that would be it.  Once I exited my apartment, I knew I wouldn’t be disappointed.  The chants of “Obama, Obama”, “Yes we can, Yes we can”, even “USA, USA” could be heard immediately.  The party had started, the second one in as many weeks (last week it was the Phillies World Series win) as jubulant supporters rushed to express their excitement in not only repudiating the Republican regime, but in making history.  This was a night for America, Blacks, Whites, Asians, Hispanics, Men, Women, Gay, Straight, Young and Old.  No Red/Blue states, no Real/Fake Pro/Anti America, no Black/White America.  In that rarest of rare moments we were all united under one America in celebration, not of an ending, but of a new beginning.  A beginning of an era where we’re not divided by our petty differences for the political gain of a few.  We all chanted, yelled, high-fived, hugged, even snapped a few pictures.  One African-American woman, I’m guessing in her 30s, just broke down in tears of joy as we hugged each other.  She told me of her children and how she can now show them a positive example of what Blacks can achieve.  By the time Obama gave his acceptance speech, nothing was really moving along south Broad, and most of the drivers along the two block stretch decided to park in the middle of the road and partake in the celebration.  As he gave his speech, everyone along the block, a few hundred by this time, gathered along the nearest car with a radio (or TV) to listen.  It was probably the most amazing site I’ve ever witnessed.  Hundreds awed to almost total silence listening to the words of the man that has inspired us all.  In that moment we were all connected as one people.  It was in that moment that I felt such pitty for the people who would seek to divide this country through hatred and fear, for they can never know the strength and joy that can come from unity with their fellow man.

This was about more than history.  It was about taking this nation in a new direction, through uncharted waters.  None of us know what is to come, we never really did, but we look forward to it with a sense of hope and optimism for the first time.  Thanks to that night, I look forward to a time when patriotism isn’t used as justification for hatred, when religion isn’t used as an excuse for racisim, and when fear isn’t used to force capitulation or to subvert contrary ideas.  To paraphrase the woefully misquoted Michelle Obama, for the first time in a long time I’m actually proud again to be an American.  Now when I hear chants of USA, USA, I feel that I’m included in that chant.

Now I can say with a full and humble heart, God Bless America.

I just got the news that Barack Obama’s grandmother has passed away in Honolulu, HI.  Speaking for his supporters (and hopefully everyone else), our hearts and prayers go out to him and his family.

I’m sure you’ve all heard of the Ivan Pavlov experiment on how dogs can be conditioned to respond to certain stimuli.  For example, if you offer a dog a treat and associate that treat with the ringing of a bell, then eventually you’ll be able to set a dog to drooling with anticipation by merely ringing the bell.  In reading the comments on this blog, I’ve theorized that I could accomplish the same thing with the red-meat “no-information” faction of McCain supporters, and a negative commentary on Joe the Plumber.

I’ve observed that most of the negative responses on this blog seem to come whenever I comment negatively on any aspect of the man that the rabid-right have anointed their “hero”.  I’ve not determined the proportion of the negativity of my commentary to the porportion of negative comments I receive, so I’m going to conduct a little experiment.  I’m going to make a simple comment regarding JTP, and observe the reaction.

Joe the Plumber is an asshole.